Do you and your team truly know how to talk and think together?
I first learned to talk at about two years old and, for a few years, had problems with some sound pronunciations. My mum was recently smiling and reminiscing about how I would try to say “tadaban” when arriving at the caravan for our summer holidays, or how I’d ask for the “vigenar” instead of vinegar to sprinkle on our Friday evening fish and chips.
At the age of three or four, my mum took me to a speech therapist. After a few visits, and some practice in between, I was pronouncing letters and words like the other young Yorkshire kids. Although Friday evenings probably still involved some sibling ribbing along the lines of:
“Ey up Nick, do you need a bit more vigenar wi’ yer fish ’n’ chips?”
My next speaking challenge came in high school, where I had to learn French. My Yorkshire accent didn’t help, but I became really good at spelling, where it didn’t hinder. I learned words phonetically in Yorkshire dialect, so something like cochon d’inde became in my head (and out of my mouth) “co-chon-din;dy”. My French teacher was somewhat dismayed—and later amused/amazed—especially when I chose to do an Erasmus year in France, where I made many French friends who slowly and patiently helped me practise. Eventually, I even reached a level where I could fall in love with and marry a French lady / madame.
And so, never one to duck a challenge, we later moved to the Netherlands. A friend of mine who speaks six languages fluently once called Dutch the “secret language”, because so many Dutch people speak—and love to speak—English. It can feel like a place where an outsider can’t really practise. However, when my boys were young and their visiting friends also started calling me “Dad”, I thought it wise to dive in and take learning Dutch more seriously. Now I can speak and understand well, and our household is full of sentences that include an abundance of English, French, and Dutch words. It makes perfect sense to us.
So… talking in Yorkshire, English (more or less), French, and Dutch… it’s been a lot of fun and a lot of learning. I can talk…
What was next?
Next I learnt about talking and thinking together…
Six years ago, I started to learn about coaching. This was a big step, because I learned not just to talk, but to deeply listen and inquire into what others were really asking and seeking in their lives and development, to allow people to really think more deeply!
Then I began learning about team coaching, where these same skills become even more complex in a group of individuals attempting to “work together” as an interdependent entity they might refer to as We. It’s a fascinating space: to hold space and to support human interactions of talking and listening together.
And two years ago—at age 52, by the way, so fifty years after first learning to talk—I learned, practiced, and became a Dialogue Practitioner. That is to say, I learned about and experienced “talking, listening, and really thinking together.” It feels like a strange thing to write, because I’ve been talking for so long in different languages and contexts… yet only in the last two years have I truly learned talking and listening and thinking together in an emergent ways, as in new thinking is emerging as we talk together.
Now, in conversations, I can participate while also observing the content of what is being said. I can support groups and teams as they move through processes of decision-making and shared understanding and creating new insights / ides. I can sense the energy and emotions in the space and speak into them, so that teams can connect more intentionally, more deeply and with more creativity.
Now I’m 54 and so, after 52 years of learning to talk, I practice these “talking and thinking skills”, I guide, facilitate, coach, and teach so that others can also learn and practice them in their everyday work and lives.
Do you and your team truly know how to talk and think together?
If not I can support you to learn, practice and develop the truly amazing skills of talking and thinking together…
Let’s connect.
#skillfulcollaboration
