Togetherness

I’m not a psychologist.

I worked as an engineer, became an engineering leader, and later transitioned into the world of learning and development. From there I shifted into coaching, leadership development, team facilitation, and team coaching — with a deep yearning for dialogue.

At each step of my path, I’ve always loved learning — about myself and about the people I work with.

Back in my engineering management days, I sat with my team members individually to ask what they wanted to learn and develop. This was long before the days of personal learning objectives. One of my team once asked me why I did this when other managers didn’t, and I told him that I simply enjoyed these types of conversations. I really enjoy supporting people in their development. And when people develop individually, there is more chance that they will also be open to developing together.

Now, back to not being a psychologist. I never took exams in human development, but I have read and learnt a lot about it. More importantly, I’ve experienced it — in myself, in my engineering teams, and now in my coaching and team coaching clients.

Human development is fascinating: how we grow through early life and as adults. How we develop our thinking patterns and our emotional patterns. How we behave, how we make decisions, how we carry our energy, our resilience, our beliefs, our values. How our habits are formed — and whether we are open to changing them. How we stay in our comfort zone, or how we challenge ourselves to try new things. How we leverage our strengths and set up experiments to improve what we do and how we do it.

These are complex questions for one person. But in a team, a group, or across functions, the complexity increases exponentially. And so does my interest. How can we harness the togetherness of a team or a group when each individual has their own tensions in learning and development? I love this challenge.

I love it because I know that it’s possible to harness togetherness.

I’m not a psychologist, but I experienced togetherness in the early years of my family life when, at age 4, my parents decided to adopt my baby sister (who has severe Down syndrome). Fifty years later, my sister is still together with our family and still living with my parents.

I’m not a psychologist, but since my early years I’ve played and captained soccer teams, for more than 45 years now. (See the photo on my parents bookshelf.) I’ve learnt about team and group dynamics — performing, improving individual and collective skills on the training ground, and showing up together on match day…. and sometimes winning together.

I’m not a psychologist, but I know these early experiences fundamentally shaped my view of togetherness — and whether it is possible or not.

And I know this: for togetherness we need care and compassion. The same for ourselves, and the same for the groups and teams in which we work and play.

What are your early memories that formed your view on togetherness?

These are essential to be aware of understand so that you and your team can develop the skills of collaboration.